Cole Porter penned the lyrics, while Sinatra gave voice to the question, "What is this thing called love?" While the question sounds rather simple, it's actually very difficult to answer. For millennia people have been entering into relationships that have been graced by this thing called love. Great philosophers and theologians have attempted to craft an adequate answer to this question since there have been philosophers and theologians. Yet, we still ask, "What is this thing we call love?"
A Passive Definition
Many people seem to subscribe to a passive definition of love... They believe you can "fall in love" and "fall out of love", in very much the same way one might fall into a hole or roll out of bed. They also believe that love is a sensation (a set of biological reactions, for want of a better term) that spontaneously ignite when Mr. or Ms Right appear, and can spontaneously extinguish when the thrill is gone.
This may be a popular concept of love, but it's one I have to reject. While falling in love is not loving, falling out of love is the cessation of loving. The popular passive definition of love cheapens the very concept of love itself.
Digging a Little Deeper
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...
I believe that this is one of the most beautiful descriptions of the qualities of love ever written. It reminds us of a depth of love that cannot be measured and a vow of love that cannot be broken unbreakable.
Love can manifest itself in myriad different ways predicated on the circumstance and relationship. Romantic love (eros) is intense passionate love, with burning sensual desire and longing, but it is a hurricane, a storm, a wellspring of immense happiness and abysmal sorrow and loneliness . The love of family (storge), the love friendship (philia), and the self-sacrificial love (agape) are subjects of great affection.
Exemplars
We have, in our own lives and throughout history, examples of what might be called the higher forms of love.
Storge (family love in modern Greek) is that which we've seen within our own family. The affection of a mother, the instruction of a father. Constantly teaching and instructing, goading and guiding, so that one day that job will come to a successful end. Children desiring to be free of the influence of the parents, without really grasping the full meaning this desire. Coming to the aid of those family members in crisis when the world seem to be crashing round about.
The Greek form of love, philia ( the love of friendship), can be illustrated by the legend of Damon and Pythias, a story of devotion, loyalty, and friendship. Damon and Pythias grew up in Sicily and were always best friends. Pythias and his friend Damon, both followers of the philosopher Pythagoras, had occasion to journey to Syracuse. On this trip Pythias was accused of plotting against Dionysius I, the tyrant of Syracuse. As punishment for this crime Dionysius had Pythias condemned to death. Accepting his sentence, Pythias begged and pleaded to be set free for a short time, so that he might return home one last time, to set his affairs in order. Damon pledged his life for the return of his friend. And Pythias faithfully returned before the appointed hour of execution, just as he had promised. Dionysius was so taken by the devotion and loyalty of these two and begged to be included in their friendship. They were good men, and each was ready to sacrifice his life for the other.
Agape is typically referred to as the highest form of love. It can be described as godly, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and all-encompassing love. It is this kind of love that causes a mother to run into a burning house to save her child, knowing that she will probably perish in the attempt. Agape love will cause one to willing take abuse in the attempt to correct an in justice. The force of agape will cause one to do without, so that a loved one can have (something vital, important, or special). This type of love can be seen in modern such as The Gift of the Magi by O. Henry and movies such as Titanic, and Forrest Gump.
On the Stage We Call Life
The love of a husband and wife cannot be confined to any one of the varieties of love, but is a melange composed of multiple forms of love. Very much like players on a stage we manifest various forms of love, again predicated on circumstance and relationship. We may travel from friendship (philia) to that feeling of falling in love (eros), to the love of family (storge) as the family grows, to the ultimate love (agape) as we learn and experience the goodness in the heart of our beloved.
This journey does not necessarily take years to experience. Imagine a significant marriage milestone, perhaps the tenth anniversary. The husband has planned to take his wife to dinner in celebration of the event. As the day starts and she sees him off the both feel the abiding friendship that has grown through the years (philia). During the dinner the husband presents his wife with a wedding ring, the one that he was too poor to purchase when the got married, although it was a great sacrifice, even now (agape). As they stand just outside their home, she hugs him and won't let him go. She whispers, "You are the man of my dreams..." and begins to kiss him softly as she sheds a tear (eros).
Love Is
When someone asks, "What is love"?, they're not asking you to construct a philosophical argument, but to express what it means to you, on a personal level.
For me love is a decision... The decision as to the quality of the sacrifice one is willing to make for another.
A Passive Definition
Many people seem to subscribe to a passive definition of love... They believe you can "fall in love" and "fall out of love", in very much the same way one might fall into a hole or roll out of bed. They also believe that love is a sensation (a set of biological reactions, for want of a better term) that spontaneously ignite when Mr. or Ms Right appear, and can spontaneously extinguish when the thrill is gone.
This may be a popular concept of love, but it's one I have to reject. While falling in love is not loving, falling out of love is the cessation of loving. The popular passive definition of love cheapens the very concept of love itself.
Digging a Little Deeper
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...
I believe that this is one of the most beautiful descriptions of the qualities of love ever written. It reminds us of a depth of love that cannot be measured and a vow of love that cannot be broken unbreakable.
Love can manifest itself in myriad different ways predicated on the circumstance and relationship. Romantic love (eros) is intense passionate love, with burning sensual desire and longing, but it is a hurricane, a storm, a wellspring of immense happiness and abysmal sorrow and loneliness . The love of family (storge), the love friendship (philia), and the self-sacrificial love (agape) are subjects of great affection.
Exemplars
We have, in our own lives and throughout history, examples of what might be called the higher forms of love.
Storge (family love in modern Greek) is that which we've seen within our own family. The affection of a mother, the instruction of a father. Constantly teaching and instructing, goading and guiding, so that one day that job will come to a successful end. Children desiring to be free of the influence of the parents, without really grasping the full meaning this desire. Coming to the aid of those family members in crisis when the world seem to be crashing round about.
The Greek form of love, philia ( the love of friendship), can be illustrated by the legend of Damon and Pythias, a story of devotion, loyalty, and friendship. Damon and Pythias grew up in Sicily and were always best friends. Pythias and his friend Damon, both followers of the philosopher Pythagoras, had occasion to journey to Syracuse. On this trip Pythias was accused of plotting against Dionysius I, the tyrant of Syracuse. As punishment for this crime Dionysius had Pythias condemned to death. Accepting his sentence, Pythias begged and pleaded to be set free for a short time, so that he might return home one last time, to set his affairs in order. Damon pledged his life for the return of his friend. And Pythias faithfully returned before the appointed hour of execution, just as he had promised. Dionysius was so taken by the devotion and loyalty of these two and begged to be included in their friendship. They were good men, and each was ready to sacrifice his life for the other.
Agape is typically referred to as the highest form of love. It can be described as godly, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and all-encompassing love. It is this kind of love that causes a mother to run into a burning house to save her child, knowing that she will probably perish in the attempt. Agape love will cause one to willing take abuse in the attempt to correct an in justice. The force of agape will cause one to do without, so that a loved one can have (something vital, important, or special). This type of love can be seen in modern such as The Gift of the Magi by O. Henry and movies such as Titanic, and Forrest Gump.
On the Stage We Call Life
The love of a husband and wife cannot be confined to any one of the varieties of love, but is a melange composed of multiple forms of love. Very much like players on a stage we manifest various forms of love, again predicated on circumstance and relationship. We may travel from friendship (philia) to that feeling of falling in love (eros), to the love of family (storge) as the family grows, to the ultimate love (agape) as we learn and experience the goodness in the heart of our beloved.
This journey does not necessarily take years to experience. Imagine a significant marriage milestone, perhaps the tenth anniversary. The husband has planned to take his wife to dinner in celebration of the event. As the day starts and she sees him off the both feel the abiding friendship that has grown through the years (philia). During the dinner the husband presents his wife with a wedding ring, the one that he was too poor to purchase when the got married, although it was a great sacrifice, even now (agape). As they stand just outside their home, she hugs him and won't let him go. She whispers, "You are the man of my dreams..." and begins to kiss him softly as she sheds a tear (eros).
Love Is
When someone asks, "What is love"?, they're not asking you to construct a philosophical argument, but to express what it means to you, on a personal level.
For me love is a decision... The decision as to the quality of the sacrifice one is willing to make for another.
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