Are you aware of these 7 keys to building trust in a relationship? The elements that really make a relationship work are not the things we hear in cliches. For example, it's wrong to think you have to continually spice thing up. Variety may be the spice of life, but predictability is the life blood of a relationship. The following seven keys will help you increase the level of trust in your relationship.
1) Predictability
Your partner needs you to be predictable, like sun rise and sun set. This goes against the common wisdom that you need to “spice things up” to keep the romance alive. An unexpected invitation to dine at a new restaurant or being given a surprise present can be nice, but beyond the niceties we need things to be consistent and predictable to make our relationships work. When I speak of predictability, I'm talking about the fundamental belief that your partner will always do their best to meet your needs and you will do likewise.
2) I Can Show You Better than I Can Tell You
You need to ensure that your words are consistent with your message. This is to say, your partner needs to hear a message that matches your body language. If you say, "I'm pleased with that", but you have a grimace on your face, your partner doesn’t hear your words... he or she sees the look on your face and hears the tone in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words are consistent with the message, you build trust in a relationship.
3) You Can Be Me
You need to have a underlying belief in your partner’s general competency. If you don’t have this fundamental belief, you won’t have the trust in a relationship. When you assume that your partner not is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship. One of the "tests of competency" I've always used is "Can you be me", if I were unable to represent myself.
4) Secrets Destroy
Don’t keep secrets... They are the destroyers of trust in a relationship. It's best to be honest and forthright. All secrets eventually come to light... someone is always itching to tell. The energy that would be used to keep the lid on a secret, is best used to nurture your relationship.
5) This is What I Need
Let your partner know what your needs are. Don’t drop hints, make vague suggestions, or make him or her guess what you need. This isn't a game... if they guess, there's a chance that they could be wrong. Let them know your needs, in no uncertain terms. It's alright to consider yourself and the things important to you, so long as you aren't being selfish.
6) I Said, "No!"
You have to learn to say, "No." Saying "No" sets boundaries that can protect you from being hurt or venturing into an arena that could be destructive to you emotionally and psycologically. When your partner feels free to express his or her needs, that is a good thing, but you're not obligated to say yes to every desire. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.
7) Continually Improving
Always strive to improve. Seek self improvement as well as seeking improvements in your relationship. A relationship is a alive and must be nurtured and fed. Sometimes there are ailments and pains, but through it all, the relationship will improve and grow if it is nurtured, and so will you.
When you choose to work on trust in a relationship, it is almost certain that you'll encounter a bit of difficulty and pain. However, as you work through the obstacles you become stronger, both as an individual and as a couple.
1) Predictability
Your partner needs you to be predictable, like sun rise and sun set. This goes against the common wisdom that you need to “spice things up” to keep the romance alive. An unexpected invitation to dine at a new restaurant or being given a surprise present can be nice, but beyond the niceties we need things to be consistent and predictable to make our relationships work. When I speak of predictability, I'm talking about the fundamental belief that your partner will always do their best to meet your needs and you will do likewise.
2) I Can Show You Better than I Can Tell You
You need to ensure that your words are consistent with your message. This is to say, your partner needs to hear a message that matches your body language. If you say, "I'm pleased with that", but you have a grimace on your face, your partner doesn’t hear your words... he or she sees the look on your face and hears the tone in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words are consistent with the message, you build trust in a relationship.
3) You Can Be Me
You need to have a underlying belief in your partner’s general competency. If you don’t have this fundamental belief, you won’t have the trust in a relationship. When you assume that your partner not is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship. One of the "tests of competency" I've always used is "Can you be me", if I were unable to represent myself.
4) Secrets Destroy
Don’t keep secrets... They are the destroyers of trust in a relationship. It's best to be honest and forthright. All secrets eventually come to light... someone is always itching to tell. The energy that would be used to keep the lid on a secret, is best used to nurture your relationship.
5) This is What I Need
Let your partner know what your needs are. Don’t drop hints, make vague suggestions, or make him or her guess what you need. This isn't a game... if they guess, there's a chance that they could be wrong. Let them know your needs, in no uncertain terms. It's alright to consider yourself and the things important to you, so long as you aren't being selfish.
6) I Said, "No!"
You have to learn to say, "No." Saying "No" sets boundaries that can protect you from being hurt or venturing into an arena that could be destructive to you emotionally and psycologically. When your partner feels free to express his or her needs, that is a good thing, but you're not obligated to say yes to every desire. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.
7) Continually Improving
Always strive to improve. Seek self improvement as well as seeking improvements in your relationship. A relationship is a alive and must be nurtured and fed. Sometimes there are ailments and pains, but through it all, the relationship will improve and grow if it is nurtured, and so will you.
When you choose to work on trust in a relationship, it is almost certain that you'll encounter a bit of difficulty and pain. However, as you work through the obstacles you become stronger, both as an individual and as a couple.
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